I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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