sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
