just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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