your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize