Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Text me some of your sweat
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