I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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