Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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