We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Jerry, you need to find god
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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