Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
