omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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