my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
