Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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