Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
