I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
