you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
