Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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