Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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