dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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