mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
