I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
