I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
