Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
