It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My life is pants optional.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
