You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
