i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
