you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
