My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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