I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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