Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
