Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
