Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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