bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
