i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
