Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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