I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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