how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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