I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
