Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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