My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize