Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
