i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize