we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
