I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
