i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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