so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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