Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
