# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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