he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
