is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
