Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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