Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
