I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
