Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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