He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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