dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
