Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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