SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
