Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
