Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
