So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
