He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
