To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My hand turned me down
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
