Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
