Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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