he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize