K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
