he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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