Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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