You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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