dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
