Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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