what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize