yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
