i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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