Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Jerry, you need to find god
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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