You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
