There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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