he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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