Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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