im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
