Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
