Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
