If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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