Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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