What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
