my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
