You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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