im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
