Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
