Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
