summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
