just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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