Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
