I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
