I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
