i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
