Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
