just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
