I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
